Discussion Questions

Noémi’s Early Life: Hungary After World War I 

1. In what ways did underlying antisemitism and propaganda about Jewish people set the stage for the hatred that hastened the work of the Arrow Cross and the Nazis? Do you see any similar themes within current events in your own country or in other nations around the world?
   
   
2. Do you agree or disagree with Noémi’s statement “it doesn’t take long for repeated lies to become some people’s truth?” In what ways can propaganda influence the culture of a society or people’s actions within a society? What ideas do you have for counteracting propaganda and misinformation? Are there circumstances where you have been exposed to misinformation about certain groups of people? If so, in ways have you tried to inform yourself and/or challenge the misinformation?
   
   
3. Before the Nazis came, Noémi's family found much joy and consolation in their traditional religious practices. What family traditions do you continue to celebrate? Are there ways you have modified or changed these traditions in response to societal pressure or changing cultural norms?
   
   
4. Noémi describes the increasing antisemitism that occurred with the rise of Hitler’s power. In your own community, or even in your own family, are you aware of similar prejudices or false assumptions about people of different colors and cultures? What do you notice about how these attitudes impact interactions between the people in your community?
   
   
5. Noémi was disappointed when her parents urged her to learn a skill instead of attending college; however, she eventually saw the wisdom of this decision. Can you recall any dreams or plans you have had that didn't work out? Despite your initial disappointment, has time given you a different perspective?

Noémi’s Life During World War II and the Holocaust

1. After Samu was forced into work service and Noémi took on the unexpected role of becoming the head of her family, she discovered hidden resources of strength.  Have you ever found yourself in a position of needing to step into a new and unexpected role? What was that experience like for you? What personal strengths did you discover as you took on your new role?
   
   
2. After her father was taken away for forced labor, Noémi comments that even though she and her mother were surrounded by the many displaced families living in their house, they felt completely alone. Have you experienced feeling completely alone in a crowd? What makes this feeling worse? What makes it better? Have you had the opposite experience of feeling quite at home even though you are all alone?
   
   
3. Noémi was offered an opportunity to escape from the ghetto by assuming a new identity, but refused to leave her family. Often the right path is also the more difficult path, especially when the consequences of that choice are uncertain. Can you recall a time in your own life when making the right choice for you meant choosing the harder way, with no guarantee of how it would turn out? Given Noémi’s circumstance, what choice do you think you would have made if offered an opportunity to leave the ghetto, but leave your family behind? Why do you think Noémi decided not to tell her mother about the young man’s offer of helping her escape? What advice do you think her mother would have given her?
   
   
4. Why do you think Samu didn’t tell anyone about the way he was treated during his morning visits to the Nazi commander’s office?
   
   
5. Noémi shares that as her family was taken from the ghetto and forced to march to the brick factory by the Nazis, she no longer felt any connection to their home in Debrecen. It had become nothing more than a physical shelter for her family and the many strangers they were forced to take in. When do you feel most at home? What creates a sense of home for you?
   
   
6. When describing her Holocaust experiences, Noémi often speaks of the person she used to be—before the Nazi's came. Has there been a time in your life when a particularly challenging experience changed your sense of self? What helped you maintain hope when all seemed lost?
   
   
7. Noémi speaks about how the kindness of others— often at risk to themselves—made a difference in her struggles at Auschwitz and in the Buchenwald work camp. Can you recall a particularly difficult time in your life when your hope was renewed by the unexpected kindness of others?
   
   
8. Noémi experienced how horrific situations can bring out the best or the worst in humanity. In Noémi’s story, which examples of each of these stood out to you? Can you recall a time when you were surprised by the kindness or the cruelty of strangers? How did this experience impact you?
   
   
9. In what circumstances did Noémi feel that there was no choice but to follow the orders? In any of these situations, do you think there was more of a choice than Noémi believed?
   
   
10. Many times, Noémi mentions “I had no choice” or “We had no choice.” Are there times in your life when you have felt you had no choice? Did you have more choice than you realized? How did that choice point change the trajectory of your life?
    
    
11. Do you think Noémi’s early life, in which she was loved and protected, was a help or hindrance in her survival?
    
    
12. In what ways did Noémi hold onto her sense of humanity while under Nazi captivity? How do you think this helped her recover from her trauma after liberation?
    
    
13. Why do you think so many people stood by when the Nazis came to Hungary, or even participated indirectly by taking the possessions of the Jewish families removed from their homes? Why was it so important to Noémi to learn that some people had the courage to resist and help Jewish families? 

Noémi’s Life Following World War II and Under Soviet Occupation

1. In what ways was returning home to Hungary after liberation one of the most difficult parts of Noémi’s Holocaust experiences?
   
   
2. What were some Noémi’s greatest challenges in the first years after her liberation?
   
   
3. In the years following World War II, what were the challenges faced by people living under Soviet domination in Soviet bloc countries such as Hungary? Why were circumstances particularly difficult for survivors of the Holocaust?
   
   
4. Noémi recalls that two of the main pillars of her father’s life—religion and family—had crumbled after the Holocaust. Can you recall a time in your life when you felt that the foundation upon which you had built your life was gone? How did you react? What helped your healing process and your ability to persevere?
   
   
5. When we listen to another person share their story, without interruption and without judgment, we create sacred space for the other. After they were married, Noémi and Ernö shared their stories of the war years with each other. They each created sacred space for the other to share openly and honestly from the heart. Noémi credits much of her inner healing to Ernö’s ability to truly listen to her. Who in your life listens deeply to your story? Who do you listen to?
   
   
6. What did you learn about Noémi as she described the day that she decided to swim across the Tisza River despite Ernő’s protests?
   
   
7. Was it fair from Samu’s colleagues to go behind his back and ask the school superintendent about transferring him to Budapest? What do you think might have happened if he remained in Debrecen, the city where he had lived before the war?
   
   
8. After her sons were born, Noémi was able to fulfill her dream of going to college to become a teacher. What dreams within you are yearning to be born? How might you begin to fulfill even a portion of your dreams?
   
   
9. When Noémi decided that it was absolutely necessary to escape from Hungary and the Communist regime, she became the driving force in making this happen. At the same time, she recognized that she was asking Ernő to leave everything familiar and jump into the unknown. Have you experienced a similar sense of jumping into unknown? How did this decision evolve? How did it turn out?
   
   
10. When their first attempt to escape from Hungary failed, Noémi became even more determined to leave. She states, "I wasn’t known to be a forceful woman, but I guess when it was needed, I became that woman." When have you noticed your own sense of resilience and inner resources manifesting themselves?
    
    
11. If Ernö had remined convinced it was too risky to try to escape the Soviet regime, do you think Noémi would have actually left Hungary without him? Why or why not?
    
    
12. Living in a country where we constantly feared the Soviets and hidden Nazis, Noémi often wondered, “If we’re prevented from living with freedom, are we truly alive?” How would you respond to Noémi’s question?
    
    
13. Why did so many people remain silent during the Nazi and the Communist era?
    
    
14. In what ways does Noémi’s descriptions of her feelings of fear and intimidation under the Soviet regime of Joseph Stalin help you to understand the lack of response of the Russian people to the 2022 Russian invasion of Ukraine? Do you believe that the Ukrainian people’s personal and ancestral experiences of living under the domination of the Soviet regime has propelled them to fight for freedom? In what ways might this differ from the perspective of the Russian people who have consistently lived under an oppressive government? 

Noémi’s Life in the United States Including Return Visits to Auschwitz 

1. How does Noémi and her family’s experience as refugees and immigrants compare to the reception of immigrants in the United States and throughout the world today? What are some of the similarities and differences that you observed between the reception of Hungarian refugees after Hungarian Revolution of 1956 and the reception received by the women and children who have fled the 2022 Russian invasion of Ukraine? In what ways do you think that a country’s political climate and economic circumstances affect the reception that immigrants receive?
   
   
2. Once in the United States, Noémi’s uncle gave her a pair of earrings that had belonged to her mother and grandmother. Do you have a treasured possession that is a precious reminder of the person it used to belong to?
   
   
3. Noémi's chose to accept her fears about Earnest's declining health and made the best of each day. What challenging circumstances have you been faced with in your life? Have you tended to react to challenges with denial or with acceptance?
   
   
4. What did you learn about Noémi’s strength and determination as she cared for Earnest in his final years?
   
   
5. What role did music play in Noémi’s life, both before and during the Holocaust, during Earnest’s illness, and after Earnest’s death?
   
   
6. Noémi mentioned that Earnest’s passing was the catalyst for her decision to return to Auschwitz. Have you ever had a time in your life when different layers of grief emerged and spurred you to action?
   
   
7. Noémi did not speak about the Holocaust for many decades. Why do you think she remained silent about her Holocaust experiences for so many years? Why do you think that Noémi’s step-mother and Hungarian friends continued to remain silent throughout their lifetimes?
   
   
8. Why was it so important to Noémi to return to Auschwitz?
   
   
9. Noémi’s step-mother, Irén, had also been imprisoned in Auschwitz, but she coped by keeping her memories deep inside. She passionately argued with Noémi about her decision to return to Auschwitz. Compare and contrast their perspectives on the value of return to the place of their imprisonment and loss family members. What decision would you make about returning to a place of such intense trauma? In what ways did Noémi’s decision to return to Auschwitz change her perspective on her experiences and deepen the message she wanted to share?
   
   
10. Noémi commented that by summoning the courage to return to Auschwitz she was allowing her memories to fully emerge and soar free. Have you ever had an experience where facing difficult memories has allowed you to heal?
    
    
11. After her first return visit to Auschwitz, Noémi silently spoke to her loved ones, saying, “I’m so sorry to leave you, but I belong with the living. I must go.” Have you ever been in a similar situation where you faced the challenge of moving beyond the past and into the future? 

Noémi’s Lessons from the Holocaust 

1. Noémi and her father both felt it was important not to judge all German people by the actions of the Nazis. In what ways did this philosophy assist with their healing from the wounds of the war? Why is it important not to generalize and make assumptions about all people based on the behaviors of some individuals within a group? Have there been situations in your life where you have felt judged based upon characteristics such as your age, gender, religion, ethnic or racial background?
   
   
2. Noémi wished we could remove the word hate from our vocabulary and avoid using it in daily conversation. Do you agree that casual use of the word hate results in our forgetting the strength of the word or what happens when we allow hate to flourish?
   
   
3. Noémi’s story spans multiple wars and uprisings, including World War I, World War II, the Cold War, and the Hungarian Revolution and concludes with societal increases in violence against Jews, Muslims and other groups who have been targeted by certain segments of society. Given ongoing conflicts within and between countries across the globe, do you feel that we need to do more to acknowledge and heal the historic wounds of war?
   
4. Noémi was determined to educate people about the dangers of prejudice, discrimination, and hate. Given current events, explain why you feel those lessons are still needed in today’s society.
   
   
5. Noémi understood that being a survivor brings responsibilities—a duty to give testimony about what she witnessed. What were some of the most important lessons she hoped that people would take away from her story? Now that you are a witness to her story, how might you help carry those lessons forward into the future? How do you think you can play a role in increasing empathy and compassion, and reduce ignorance, apathy, and denial?
   
   
6. Reflect on Noémi’s statement,” If we have truly learned the lessons of the Holocaust, we cannot ignore the hurts and injustices that surround us, nor forget the lessons of past injustices such as slavery, the killing and forced relocation of indigenous people, or the treatment of Japanese-Americans during World War II. We need to remember the lessons of history as we consider the political context of current events throughout the world.”
   
   
7. Noémi was very clear that it is important not to place blame on Germans for the deeds of the Nazis and not to generalize—not all Germans were Nazis, nor did all Germans take part in what happened during Hitler’s reign. If we generalize and look at certain people negatively without knowing them, we’re perpetuating the attitude of the Nazis. What can people do to ensure that the wounds of World War II don’t persist in today’s world?
   
   
8. Noémi believed that “Freedom comes with responsibility.” Do you feel that freedom is in danger in the part of the world where you live? If so, what actions can you take to preserve freedom?
   
   
9. Noémi states “After having my life forever changed by the whims of authoritarian leaders, it’s difficult for me to watch some of the things happening in the world today. It feels all too familiar.” What are some parallels between Noémi’s story and current political events?
   
   
10. Noémi’s life was influenced by the lies told by Nazi and Communist leaders, especially once the general public began to believe their dehumanizing propaganda. Are you aware of any stories that are currently being told that dehumanize or place blame on certain groups of people? How can you ensure that news stories you are exposed to are accurate?
    
    
11. Do you believe that the tragedy of the Holocaust could have been prevented if the Germans, the Poles, the Hungarians, and the rest of the world had taken a strong stand against Nazism?  What have you learned from Noémi’s story about the consequences of remaining silent?
    
    
12. Why is it important for us to make sure we don’t overlook or minimize discriminatory or dehumanizing behaviors when we see them?
    
    
13. In what ways are name-calling and cruel joking dangerous?
    
    
14. What are some reasons that people blindly follow people in power, even when their actions are destructive and target vulnerable groups of people?
    
    
15. In recent year, does it appear to you that ridicule, cruelty, and disrespect have become the norm? If so, what do you believe are possible solutions to reverse this trajectory?
    
    
16. Do you believe that future generations will one day look back at twenty-first-century violence and aggression and wonder why we just stood by?
    
    
17. What do you think accounts for the destruction and killing that has occurred in sacred places of worship in the United States and other countries around the world? Do you believe that local and national governments are paying sufficient attention to hate crimes?
    
    
18. Do you believe that as a society we are adequately addressing systemic racism and social injustice?
    
    
19. What are some things that you can do to make a difference in creating a society where everyone is respected and treated equitably? What are some small steps you can take to show people you care?
    
    
20. Noémi discussed the Holocaust saying “Every war in history has had significant consequences because the lives of soldiers are sacrificed. Yet this war was different. The Nazis killed not only soldiers but also women, children, babies, and elders. People around the world were grappling with the fact that this unimaginable atrocity had occurred in the middle of the twentieth century” What is your reaction to this statement within the context of the recent Russian invasion of Ukraine?
    
    
21. Do you agree with Noémi that there is reason to feel hopeful about our future, especially if enough people begin to understand the dangers of hate?
    
    
22. Do you believe that future generations will one day look back at twenty-first-century violence and aggression, wondering why we just stood by?
    
    
23. What do you see as red flags in our current society—events that we cannot ignore?
    
    
24. What are some things that you can do to help create a society based on caring, compassion and mutual respect?
    
    
25. Would you agree that people who spew hate have somehow been taught to hate? If this is true, how might we help change their attitudes?

Healing from Trauma and Embracing Post-Traumatic Growth

1. What conditions and experiences helped Noémi heal from the trauma of the Holocaust?
   
   
2. Noémi very much wanted survivors of various traumas to know that it possible to heal the pain. Which of her messages do you believe will resonate most with people who have survived trauma?
   
   
3. As Noémi moved forward with her own healing, she realized she had an opportunity to help other survivors of trauma. After reading Noémi’s story, do you feel you are in a better position to heal your own trauma or to be of support to someone who has survived challenging life circumstances?
   
   
4. Noémi says that to forget her experiences and her losses would mean throwing out the valuable lessons and treasured memories of her family. She believed that to remain whole, it was crucial for her to accept the reality of the Holocaust. Do you agree or disagree that it is important for each of us to recognize that our distressing memories are part of who we are?
   
   
5. Noémi believed that sharing her story about the Holocaust helped her heal. Do you believe that it is helpful to speak about painful experiences? Have you had life experiences were talking about the event or circumstances has been part of your healing?
   
   
6. Some Holocaust survivors appear to have remained angry and bitter years after their experience, whereas others, like Noémi, embraced life. What do you think accounts for these difference in their responses to traumatic events?
   
   
7. Noémi comments “It felt like I had spent years attempting to arrange pieces of a mosaic and was finally able to locate the missing parts, put them in place, and consider the whole picture” Have you ever had a similar experience where you have had the opportunity to reflect on a challenging time from your past and look at the events from a more nuanced perspective?
   
   
8. Noémi shares her strategy of holding on to hope by remembering that tomorrow is a new day. She uses the metaphor: “Hope is a door you can walk through. You don’t know what’s on the other side, but it’s important to keep the door open. If you close it, you’ll never know what you might have found.” Do you agree or disagree with this philosophy?
   
   
9. Noémi says, “Trauma is trauma. We should take every person’s trauma seriously and deal with it compassionately.” In what ways does Noémi’s philosophy provide hope for people who are survivors of trauma? Do you believe that trauma healing is increased when survivors use what they have learned about survival to reach out to other people going through a hard time?
   
   
10. Discuss Noémi’s statement: “I firmly believe that strength and joy can arise from pain and distress. Although it’s not possible to undo the past, those of us who have survived trauma can refuse to allow tragic events to hold us back and further compound our pain. And if we don’t permit past misery to define us, we can heal by reimagining our future, recapturing joy and celebrating life.” What challenging life circumstances can you recall that have provided you with an opportunity to reimagine your future? 

Reflections on Noémi’s Character Strengths

1. Which parts of Noémi’s story did you find most uplifting?
   
   
2. Which issues felt unresolved or what questions do you wish would have been answered by the book?
   
   
3. Which of Noémi’s messages of hope and healing did you most connect with?
   
   
4. Kindness occurred at unexpected times during Noémi’s life. Which examples of kindness did you find the most poignant?
   
   
5. Noémi described the wisdom and values she learned from her parents and her grandmother. What do you believe are some of the most important lessons that Noémi learned from her family?
   
   
6. If you were able to have a conversation with one of Noémi’s family members, who would you choose to talk to? What topics would you like to discuss or what questions would you like to ask?
   
   
7. The importance of having a purpose is a recurring theme in the book. How did Noémi’s sense of purpose differ at different periods of her life? In what ways does having a sense of purpose contribute to a meaningful life?
   
   
8. Noémi demonstrated unusual courage at various points in her life. Which display of courage most impressed or surprised you?
   
   
9. Under what circumstances did Noémi step up and assume a leadership role in her family? In each circumstance, what would have been the consequence of her not assuming that leadership?
   
   
10. The theme of friendship runs through though the book. How would Noémi’s life have been different if she had not established close friendships in her life? How have friendships influenced the course of your own life?
    
    
11. Noémi experienced the loss of most of her family. Although she and Earnest had a family of their own, in what ways did Noémi seek to broaden or extend her family? In what ways have you broadened your own “family” to extend beyond your family of origin?  
12. Noémi was certain that her experiences made her a stronger person. Which of your life experiences have increased your personal resilience?
    
    
13. Noémi shared that after encountering a difficult situation, it helped her to talk about what happened, recognize her feelings, discover the lessons, and then decide how she might use what she learned to help improve her my life or the lives of others. What do you see as the advantages or disadvantages of this philosophy?
    
    
14. What strengths did Noémi show during the Holocaust, during the escape from Hungary, as a new immigrant, as her husband’s caregiver and as someone experiencing physical challenges associated with aging?
    
    
15. Under adverse conditions, we all need to find and use our superpowers. What do you see as Noémi’s superpowers?
    
    
16. Noémi was well aware of the preciousness of life and made sure to treasure each day, especially the time she spent with family and friends. In what ways do you practice gratitude?
    
    
17. Some cultures highly value wisdom that is passed down from generation to generation. Do you see respect for elder wisdom occurring in our culture? Why do you believe Noémi received so much respect in her elder years?
    
    
18. What did you learn about Noémi as she confronted physical challenges in the last year of her life?
    
    
19. The field of positive psychology addresses character strengths, many of which Noémi possessed throughout her life. Provide some examples of each of these characters strengths that contributed to Noémi’s resilience.
    
    

• Bravery
• Persistence
• Integrity
• Vitality
• Hope
• Gratitude
• Love
• Social intelligence
• Lifelong learning
• Perspective and wisdom
• Active citizenship
• Humor and playfulness
• Sense of purpose